A Very Interesting Holiday Xmas Edition

I welcome you all back for another interesting holiday…

Silver Bells plays softly in the back ground as I wake up to the morning. I’m slightly concerned that it is silent in the house, except for the music. This does not bode well for the day…(like when there are toddlers in the house…silence usually means something is up.) 

After I got dressed, I walked out into the living room and was immediately attacked by the cookies!(Because, who would think anything else would happen on Christmas?) There was icing, gum drops and sprinkles flying everywhere. SOOO, just like on any other ‘normal’ day around here, I ducked and weaved and escaped to the kitchen for a nice hot cup of tea.(But, of course, it can’t be that easy) There was no tea! How horrible. I opened the fridge to get some milk instead and found a gaggle of geese inside. They were playing card games…in the fridge…not sure where all the food went, but the geese were betting bread crumbs in their card game. (Guess stuffing is out of the question for dinner)

I asked the geese if they had seen the food, and they told me they moved it out onto the porch, because it needed some fresh air.(I’m sure I had a puzzled look on my face)The geese asked if I could close the door before I left. So, I did. And the next thing I did…that’s right, I went out on the porch to see if the food was still good or if I would have to figure out a new plan for dinner. 

Well, the food was there on the porch, but it was starting to get rotten. The veggies were saying some very nasty things to the turkey.(I am not repeating what they were saying…it was that nasty) Now, on to planning a different dinner for tonight. I think PB&J sounds good, but not sure the rest of the family would like that for christmas dinner.(where were they anyway)

As I walked around looking for my family members, who were mysteriously missing, I decided a nice potato soup might be good for dinner. I had plenty of potatoes in the cabinet.(luckily they were not part of the nasty talking veggies on the porch) My family was still nowhere to be seen. I was starting to wonder if I would be alone for christmas dinner this year. 

I went to check on the living room, to see if the cookies were still at war, and they were, of course.(some of the gingerbread men were missing limbs now) As I turned to leave the room I got a pie in the face.(and not a whipped cream pie…a chocolate pudding pie. Ugh!) I was looking forward to eating that pie, not wearing it. So I decided it was time to enter into this war and get some payback. I picked up an icing bag off the floor and started shooting. 

All of a sudden, there was a knock on the front door. Everyone went still and silent. I went to answer the door covered in chocolate pie, icing and sprinkles.(not my most shining moment, but what could I do) I opened the door only to be met with the scowling face of the fire department chief.(evidently in the melee the fire alarm was triggered and no one noticed) Well, the chief was none too happy about being called out unnecessarily on christmas. As I was apologizing, the geese came out of the kitchen singing carols and walked right over him.(I kinda felt bad, they came outta nowhere fast) He left and said if he had to come back again he wasn’t going to be nice about it.(I thought he was kind of grumpy to begin with, but what do I know)

Still no sign of my family…odd.

I went back into the kitchen to make the potato soup. And, surprise…there was the whole family, arguing with the nasty talking veggies. So, I just ignored the argument and made the soup. It was very yummy if I do say so myself. Everyone else seemed to think it was good too.(even the veggies, the cannibals) Everyone went to open their gifts and I sat there in the kitchen, thinking about everything that happened so far. 

That’s when it happened. I fell out of my chair and woke up when I hit the floor. Apparently, I have some vivid dreams while sleeping in a chair at the kitchen table. I looked at the calendar and notice there’s still a week left until christmas. There are no cookies having wars, not nasty talking veggies and no gaggle of gees in the fridge.(I wonder if late night snacking can cause weird dreams) Silver Bells is still playing in the background though.(I love that song)

the end :) 

A Very Interesting Holiday (revamp)

 J.T. Brooks

28 October 2021

A Very Interesting Holiday

I woke up this morning to a funny gobbling sound. I figured it was the kids making turkey sounds. Well, I was wrong. It was the cat. (Because that’s not the least bit odd) I was staring at him trying to comprehend what my senses were taking in, when he just opened his mouth and gobbled at me. So, me being me, I asked him how he started gobbling. To my amazement he said he couldn't help it. He told me that he got on the stove and ate some of the Thanksgiving turkey while I wasn't looking. Then he got these stupid hiccups.(what turkey…it was still in the freezer, or it should be)

I had to go into the kitchen to see what he was talking about, because I didn’t even start the turkey yet. Well, sure enough, there was a turkey all roasted and brown sitting on the stove. To make things more unbelievable, the dog was standing there with a baster, just basting the turkey like it was normal.

I went back to my room to see if I was still there and not really walking around the house. Maybe this was all just a bad dream, but I wasn't still in bed asleep. So I went back to the kitchen and asked the dog why he was basting the turkey. Well, of course, in my house of smart alecks, he said thats how it stays moist, and he added a ‘duh’ at the end for emphasis.(I hope the dog doesn’t go through a snarky teen phase too)

I asked the dog why he and the cat cooked the turkey. The answer was not what I would expect.(of course) They cooked the turkey, because it jumped out of the freezer and started to dance around on roller skates like it was the ice-capades.(ummm…what) So, I just chuckled, shook my head and went to shower and dress. 

When I got back to the kitchen the dog and cat were chatting over coffee like any couple would.(this is not a weird thing at all) I asked what else was on the menu for dinner and they laughed and said they had no idea. They ate the turkey because it sounded like a good breakfast.(evidently it was delicious.I wouldn’t know because they didn’t share)Guess I will have to think up something else to have for Thanksgiving besides turkey.

When the rest of the family got home and I explained to them what happened, they called the mental ward to have me committed.(because I finally went round the bend)But then, they walked into the kitchen and decided we were all delusional.(obviously I am not as nuts as they think)So, they called the mental ward back and said that they dialed the wrong number and no one needed to be committed.(because, really how could you explain everyone seeing this)

We couldn't figure out how to get the dog and cat back to normal and the cat had those hiccups again.(hearing a cat gobble was really weird)We tried to scare them out of him, but it just scared him. He tried to run but kept slipping on the hardwood floor. It was kinda funny, but sad at the same time cause he still had the hiccups.(he did finally get traction and ran out of the room to hide, and he lost the hiccups)

Any-who, we decided we'd have hamburgers and hot dogs for Thanksgiving dinner since the turkey was no more.(just what we always wanted to eat for Thanksgiving dinner)We went to bed with the cat and dog standing in the kitchen drinking coffee and debating the merits of chasing your tail or a laser light.(‘cause why not have a debate about that)

The next morning we woke up and the dog and cat were back to normal, but it was the day before Christmas! (Oh boy…)

The Spider in the Livingroom

I woke up this morning to what sounded like the dog slipping on the hardwood floor. But when i made it out to the living room it wasn't the dog at all. It was a giant spider dressed as a pumpkin on roller skates. I was so amazed. It was like a scene from a movie only better. I asked the spider what he was doing in my living room. (Wrong question) He said he was slipping on roller skates on the hardwood floor on roller skates. So to make the noise stop I gave the spider some sneakers to wear. So he sat down after much persuading and put on the sneakers and we went for a walk. Well the walk was very long and we had good conversations about all kinds of things. When we got back to the house he said, "I am sorry, but i have to eat you now." "You can't eat me," I said, "I gave you sneakers. Way would you want to eat me?" He said," I have to eat something." OH NO!!! He ate the neighbors dogs. They were kind of annoying, but it was horrible.So after the spiders snack he decided to try the roller skates again, but outside this time. and he rolled right out of the driveway into the street. There were people swerving and people screaming. The spider scared most of them and they all started running away. so the spider decided that he wanted to try and drive a car. OH MY!!! I didn't believe it. He squeezed himself into a Mini Cooper. I was so amazed that he was able to fit in there that i went up to the window to talk to him and....well....he jumped out and ate me. So I send this story to you from the belly of a giant spider dressed as a pumpkin on roller skates.
So everyone beware if you find a giant spider in your living room.